Acts of love

How I view things is a game changer. If I see the dishes, the cleaning, the cooking as an act of love then it dramatically changes my attitude towards it. I'm fighting to do this in all things. It's incredibly hard and I don't always win out against the negative thoughts, but I'm getting better and better at it.

I had a thought this morning, I see my workouts as an act of love. People often ask me how I lost and continue to keep off about 100 pounds... it's hard to answer. There's a lot of information that I want to give everyone. One of the main aspects is this: MOTIVATION WILL FAIL YOU AT SOME POINT. It will. The vows you made will diminish as you talk yourself into skipping that workout, you will find reasons to overindulge and before you know it, you're back to feeling hopeless. There is a decision to be made that can not depend on how you "feel", it's a commitment. It's an agreement that isn't negotiable.

I do the workouts, I do them when I don't want to. Much like I do the dishes and laundry, because it has to be done. And because I love when it is finished. I love a clean house and I love the fantastic feeling of completing a workout. As with many things done in love, there is sacrifice at times. I can assure you that those sacrifices are worthy of the benefits you will see.

It's a huge help to find workouts that you enjoy, the kind that leave you feeling accomplished! I've recently started boxing and I can't even tell you how much I love it! My friend, Ashley got me started and the community is like a family. It's incredibly helpful to have people in your life that will cheer you on, challenge you, and sometimes be there to kick you in the rear.

Staying healthy is an act of love; for myself, for my husband, for my children. 

I have written about weight loss a few times in this blog, here's one of them: 

http://wannabsupermom.blogspot.com/2011/04/sharing-my-weight-loss-journey.html

In the last year I have changed the way I eat, I read a book called, Trim Healthy Mama and it granted me a freedom that I was lacking. If you've never heard of the book, give it a look!!
http://www.trimhealthymama.com/
I can't say enough about how much I love it. (and in case you're wondering, no I don't sell anything or have any ties to the company, I just share what I love.)

I thank God for the experience of being overweight. It has given me an appreciation of what my body can do. It's given me a heart for those trying to make their way through the journey of finding health. I remember feeling like most of the advice I received was from people who have always been in good shape, they had never tried to go for a jog while carrying 100 extra pounds or fought food issues that had become stronger than I was. Everyone has their unique journey. This can be done. YOU can do this. It's hard, I know that-but, friend, WE CAN DO HARD THINGS. 

He hears my voice.

When I had my first baby, it was a traumatic delivery. He wasn't breathing when he was born. There was no cry. There appeared to be panic. He was almost immediately intubated and taken to the NICU, thankfully he was not intubated for long. Some hours later I was finally able to see my baby boy. My husband and I were walking to the NICU so that I may see this precious boy. I heard a cry while we were walking down the hall and I knew it was my baby. I knew. My husband said, "Babe, there are a lot of babies in there. It's probably not him." It was. My heart knew it. I hadn't heard his cry before, I hadn't even had the chance to really see him. To study his sweet face.

From time to time one of my kids will say, "Mom, tell me that story. When you were in the hall and you heard your baby cry and you KNEW it was your baby." They love it. I fight tears every time I tell them that story. It still holds such strong emotions. I got to thinking about why they love hearing about that moment. It dawned on me that I LOVE verses from God's word that remind me of His love for me. Verses that remind me that He hears me. He KNOWS my voice.

New Living Translation Psalm 116:1
I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.

New International Version Psalm 18:3 
I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

I just love that. He doesn't tire of me. My voice doesn't get lost among others. He knows me. 

Laughing at the days to come

*photo by http://nealdieker.com/

She can LAUGH at the days to come. She isn't afraid of growing old. She is confident of the future, because she knows who holds the future! She isn't trying to relive her youth, she doesn't long to be a teen. 

I'm in my early 30's, an age that I remember thinking was OLD when I was a kid! Of course that thought makes me laugh now! It's funny to me how often I hear my friends or strangers say that they hate getting older and pine after the days of being in their youth. It makes me sad for them that they dread each birthday. 

I think maybe I have always been a bit older at heart. I wanted to LIVE! To have a family, to be a mom. 

When my sisters and I were in our teen years I remember hearing people ask my mom how on earth she could live with a house full of teenagers. Her response always spoke to my heart, she would smile and explain the joys. I will do this, at every stage of my children's lives. They are young now (7,6,4 and 2) and I choose to love and speak lovingly of each stage as it comes.

I don't remember ever hearing my mom speak poorly of aging. She didn't buy expensive wrinkle creams, she didn't talk of plastic surgery- what a gift to four daughters!

So, as the world obsesses over wrinkles and lines, let's laugh together. Let's enjoy each stage that we are at, there is such freedom in that.

Snap Shots of what being a man looks like to me.

Because sometimes you just want to take a minute to appreciate the blessings of marrying such an amazing man....

                                              

Building a fortress around her.

Raising a little girl is an incredible job. From the moment her precious eyes can view the world, she is bombarded by images and ideas of who she should be. She will wish to be taller, she will wish to be thinner. She may dream of having curly hair, unless her hair is curly, in which case she will see beauty in straight locks. Maybe she will hear a song about a beautiful brown eyed girl and begin to dislike her own sparkly blue eyes. Chances are, she will see a movie at some point in her very young life that makes her believe that if only she were the most beautiful girl in the world, she would be sought after by the perfect prince. She will no doubt come across an advertisement that awakens a deep desire to be seen as sexy (even if she doesn't really know what that means) and she will know somewhere in her heart that she will never achieve that level of perfection. It's just the way it is... or is it? Is it possible that she can find freedom from all those thoughts, feelings and pressures? I truly believe she can.

She can be told that she is precious. That she is whole. That she IS royalty, she is the daughter of the very creator of all that exists and she is overwhelmingly beautiful.

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. 

1 Peter 3:3-5

My husband and I have one daughter. I must confess that after having two sons, I was certain that I was meant to raise all boys! Until I held her. I touched her sweet face. I will never forget the look on my husbands face as he held her. There was an instant, unspoken agreement- we would not be letting the world define her beauty. We can't keep her in a bubble or lock her in a tower, but we can build a fortress of truth around her. One that will not be destroyed by the continuous flood of lies. 

Our girl is like many girls, she loves all things pink. She loves ballerinas, princesses and would live happily in a tutu all the days of her life. She leaps and twirls and sweetly brushes the hair out of her eyes and will ask, "Daddy, am I fancy? Am I beautiful?" He will oooh and aaah! He will spin her around and then I will hear him quietly tell her what I've heard him say time and time again, "You are so precious. You are beautiful. But it's not your fancy clothes, it's not your sparkly shoes, it's not your hair. It's YOU. God made you." I happened to snap a picture of one of those very moments...

And another brick is placed onto the fortress of truth. 

I am not naive. I know that she will experience moments of feeling inadequate in her lifetime, but I believe that her heart will seek refuge in her fortress of truth, the place where she goes to be reminded.

I got ready for a date with my husband recently and my little girl reached for my face to whisper to me (as she often does), and she said, "mommy, you look beautiful. But it's not your fancy hair, it's not your lip gloss- it's you."

So dear reader and friend, if no one has told you- if no one has whispered to you... You are so very precious. You are worthy. You are adored. You are beautiful. BUT it's not your hair, it's not your fancy clothes, it's not the makeup upon your face. It's YOU. 

Quick to listen, slow to speak

James 1:19
New International Version
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

It's one of those verses that constantly runs through my head. It's one I repeat to myself and my children. I am especially thankful for this verse and the incredible importance of being obedient to it last week. I am constantly stopped at grocery stores by people, some well meaning and some just rude. They comment on the fact that I have four children, usually they say, "Whoa! You have your hands full!" And I reply happily, "the best kind of hands full that a person can have!" Sometimes we go on to chat a bit and sometimes that answer seems to surprise them and they just keep walking. A man at Dillons smiled sweetly at me, but then said, "Are these all yours? You must be crazy!" I smiled at him and introduced each of my children. My oldest shook his hand and then we went on to finish our shopping. In the car my two biggest kids asked me why people always say things like that. I explained that many people have not had the amazing pleasure of being surrounded by super cool kiddos, like themselves. People seem to forget that these little human beings have ears that hear and feelings that can get hurt. I was feeling especially sensitive to these types of experiences so when the cashier at Target last week said, "Are they all yours?" I was sure that I was going to want to knock her out, but I answered, yes. She went on, "whoa. Four, huh? You gonna have any more?" I heard James 1:19 run through my head faster than the snarky comments I wanted to make. I said, "I had to have a hysterectomy so no, we will not have any more biologically at least." She looked at one of my kids and back at me and I truly thought that her next words were going to ugly and that the mama bear in me was going to attack, but instead she said, "Well, honey, that is a shame. You sure do make some beautiful children."
I instantly felt tears. Tears because she was genuine and kind. Tears because I still mourn sometimes over being done having biological children. I told her thank you and to have a great day and we left. We got in our van (or swagger wagon as we prefer) and told my Heavenly Father thank you for teaching me to be slow to speak in that moment. Seems like such a small experience, but it nearly knocked me to my knees.
May I think the best of people. May I hear them. May I love them regardless of what they say.

A first for me!

Recently I had the super cool experience of being on a launch team for a new book called, Pulling Back the Shades. It is a book after my own heart! I had never even heard of a book launch team! As most of you know, Fifty Shades of Grey is an incredibly popular book (that's an understatement). From the moment I heard about Fifty Shades I felt unsettled. I began to see it everywhere and it seemed that someone was always talking about it. Some of my friends said things like, "you've got to read these", "these books are addictive" and most often I heard something along the lines of, "It'll spice up your marriage!"Intriguing for sure, but as I began to hear what the book was about I became more and more disturbed. I came across this blog and was thrilled to see my feelings written by another...
http://www.truewoman.com/?id=2095
I posted this blog on my facebook wall and was surprised by the reaction from some of my friends. I had really irritated some of them- not at all my intention. The blog above already explains my reasons for not reading the books. I was incredibly blessed to dive further into why with this launch team. Some of the women have read the books, many had not. It was incredibly cool to hear their perspectives and opinions without anyone feeling judged. I can not tell you how much I love having conversations with people who have differing opinions and perspectives while actually hearing each other. It's a beautiful thing.
The book dives into what erotica is, why people are drawn to it and the impact it has. It's worth your time.
Sex is a difficult topic and in my experience in the church, it is rarely discussed. On the other hand, purity has always been a popular subject. Obviously the two should go hand in hand, but it didn't seem to come across that way. Purity? YES. Sex? let's talk about that some other time. So, where does one turn when they're curious, confused? Some end up finding things like fifty shades of grey and that is incredibly unfortunate. A sweet friend of mine said, "I wouldn't want everyone to read those books, but I see no problem with it if you're married." I get what she's saying, it's entertainment- fiction even. What's the harm? Please read Pulling Back the Shades by Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah K. Gresh.
http://www.amazon.com/Pulling-Back-Shades-Intimacy-Longings/dp/080241088X

Superglue Fail.

I cut my hand and finger the other day and had to superglue it to close the wound. Next day it came loose so I glued it a tiny bit... I now have a bit of a fear of superglue. Please enjoy a laugh on my behalf with this video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywss07J_zCQ&feature=youtu.be

I would have continue to roll as I ripped my finger from my face, but the truth is I may have cried a little and it was not my proudest moment.

BTW, my face is fine other than a now hairless spot on my semi-abnormally hairy face. It's a really good thing I have learned to laugh at myself in my life.

Snowed in...

We love the snow! Love it love it love it!
However, we are starting to feel a bit cooped up! So, we are finding ways to entertain ourselves...

That'll test my stress for sure

I've seen people do stress tests in the movies... you know, running on the treadmill hooked up to a million wires. Seems easy enough and all. What I did not know is this, you can NOT wear a bra. SAY WHAT????
That's right. No bra. They said to strip waist up and then handed me a little paper vest to put on. The conversation with the technician guy went something like this,
Me: You mean I can not wear my bra??
Him: Right.
Me: Ummm. No. That can not be right. Has anyone ever slapped you before when you said that?
Him: I'm sure they've wanted to.
Me: This is ridiculous.
Him: I hear that a lot.
Me: In my fatter days I would have refused to do this.. I just want you to know that.
Him: Ok.
(and I would like to add that I really wish the tech had been a woman, maybe one who has had and fed four babies... that would help)
So, here I am. Getting ready to jog on a treadmill with no bra... And if you're thinking, "Well, I would just hold the girls while I jog"... Nope. They have a bar in front of you that you are told to hold onto. Oh the horror.

The F-word...

One of my favorite stories from my childhood was when my little sister (7yrs younger than me), my mom and I were shopping. Little sis and I did not get along very well back in the day. (I'd like to add that today she is one of my best friends and so precious to me) I was probably 12 or so and she would have been around 5. We were bickering back and fourth and my mom was so done with hearing us. I don't remember exactly what was said, but my little sister yelled, "MOOOM!! She said the F-word!!!" My mother whipped around in complete shock and before she could say anything I said, "Mom, I said fart! Just fart!!" 

Thankfully, she and I both laughed and my life was spared. Of course little sister was indignant over the fact that I didn't get into trouble... after all, in our house fart is a bad word!

And so the memories continue. Last night my oldest came to me and said, "mom, you are not gonna believe this. Sister said the S-word." My mind raced to figure out what he would possible be referring to... it was stupid. The s-word was stupid. I love that their sweet little minds have not yet been infected with the ugliness that this world has to offer. They know that there is evil. They know that there are bad things in this world, but for today... the S-word is stupid and we don't say that because it sounds rude. 

     ;-)

Missing that feeling...

I like to feel STRONG. After I've had each of my babies I certainly miss fitting into my jeans, but more than that I miss feeling strong. I hunker down, I lose the weight, and I work hard to build up my muscle and stamina. When I got sick the first thing I noticed was the fatigue and weakness. I hate that. I'm just now getting back to feeling like myself. I am eating well again and feeling more energy. There's even been some times that I;ve felt certain that getting sick was a fluke and it won't happen again... but then my hands hurt so much that I can hardly open my son's bottle. Or I wake up feeling like I have sand bags on my muscles and moving is miserable. These are reminders that something is not right. BUT, I am stubborn. I'm determined to feel strong again. To run with my children, lift them in the air and to live.
I am so very glad that I felt God calling me to change my life years ago. I felt like He was telling me to get in shape and be a good example of health for my children. I'm so glad that I obeyed and that I was in good shape when this autoimmune stuff hit. One of the doctors in the hospital said, "It's good that you are in good shape! This could have been worse." Which was great to hear because at the time I felt frustrated that I had been obedient and worked so hard and now here I was in the hospital, feeling horrible. I'm confident that I will be a testament to God's grace and mercy. I know that He has plans for good for me.
Here are some pictures along my journey of losing weight and living better.

I had lost about 20lbs here. The kids loved helping me in my workouts! 

 I love my husband. He has cheered me on along the way and been my best support.

Met my goal, lost 44lbs!

Humor amongst the Drama

So, if you read my last post then you already know I was in the hospital and it was not fun...
I love to laugh. I'm sarcastic and silly and can find humor in almost any situation! When one of the doctors told me that I would be having a bone marrow biopsy, I was not laughing. I was so nervous. I felt even more nervous when the dr asked, "Have you had any children?" I said that I've had four... He smiled and said, "Oh, well then you'll do just fine." What??? What does that mean? It's gonna hurt as bad as childbirth??? No thank you!
So, the next morning the dr came in and brought a room-full of people with him. There was a resident with him, a nurse, a nursing student and a gal from the lab who was collecting the marrow. The doctor turned to my husband and said, "Have you been around many medical procedures? This is quite disturbing to view." He assured the dr that he would be fine and so they began. He was kind of pushed away from me as they all gathered around to begin the biopsy. I laid on my stomach and for everything to go well. I focused my eyes on the beautiful nursing student, she seemed sweet and bubbly. The sounds during the biopsy are awful... cracking and grinding and.... ugh! Gives me chills just to think about it. Anyway, I cracked a joke and looked at the nursing student for a smile, she was pulling off her mask and grinning ear to ear... like weirdly grinning... like the joker kind of grinning... and swaying kinda funny... and oh my.. "Hey! She's going down!!!", I yell! And before anyone can figure out what I'm talking about the beautiful little nursing student passes out and her lovely little face smacks right into my butt cheeks. NO JOKE, people. My husband scoops her up and quickly takes her into the hallway. The room is silent for a minute and then I laughed out loud... I laughed till I had snot coming out of my nose. My husband came running back in to hold my hand and we laughed together.
BTW, who actually says stuff like, "She's going down!"... apparently I do. I'm a nerd.

I wish I could say that I laughed through the rest of the procedure, but it got a lot less funny after that....

Pardon my absence...

I've proven to be an unloyal blogger... I want to blog daily, at least weekly but it aint gonna happen! This time, though, I do have an excuse for my absence. I got sick. Like crazy sick. I had been feeling fatigued and just run down for a while and right after Thanksgiving it hit me hard. I woke up several times through out the night in terrible pain. My hands were curled in, my back was aching and I could hardly move. I cried out to my hubby and he called my parents to come watch the kids so we could go to the ER. I hate hospitals. I'm thankful for them, but don't want to be in one. I assumed they would tell me I had a nasty virus and send me home and at first it looked like they would do just that... then my blood work came back and my white blood cell count was eerily low. I didn't really care. I felt horrible and even worse I was starting to panic about being away from my nursing (no bottles ever) baby. I wanted to go HOME. Things moved fast from there. My blood pressure dropped and they were talking about admitting me. My mom drove up with the baby and I fed him. I cried as I snuggled him and talked with my mom. She assured me that it would all work out and took him back home. We discussed how to work out his eating schedule and the nurse was confident that he could even stay with me once I got settled into a room.
My blood pressure dropped further and the doctor came in to explain that I would be going to the ICU and there was no children allowed there at all. My mother in law had came to check on me and was there to explain how things would work in the ICU (she's a nurse) and tried to comfort me as I cried. My baby boy was not a tiny baby, he was almost 9 months old when this happened. People kept saying, "At least he's not an infant", or "he'll be fine! Babies eat when they get hungry!" I did not find comfort in those types of statements. I understood that it would all work out and that he would be ok, however, this was my baby. I was sick at the thought of him being hungry, looking for me... not understanding what was happening. I still get teary when I think about it a couple months later. Those next few days in the hospital were exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming.
I saw a slew of doctors, nurses, students. No one seemed to know what was going on. As I type this to you, we still don't know. They believe that I have an autoimmune disease called, lupus. I've started seeing a rheumatologist and we have another appointment coming up and hope to know more. I have begun researching diets and other ways to treat autoimmune disorders because a life of meds and problems from those meds does not appeal to me. It appears that I got some kinda nasty virus or infection that did a number on me and as the dr said, "May just be the perfect storm of having an autoimmune disorder and then getting very sick..."
What I want to tell you about this experience is this, God is good. All the time. For those who know me, you know that being away from my children is not where I want to be. At All. Especially a nursing baby. I also hate to feel like I have no control. I was faced with some of my biggest fears all at once. My husband was forced to go home and wean a baby in a traumatic fashion and try to keep our big kids from feeling the stress that we were enduring. My parents and sisters (and their families) swooped in and took over. My mom stayed with me at the hospital, my dad helped to care for my children, my sisters stepped in as mommy as best they could and for them I am forever grateful. They all assured me that all was well at home and that it would all be ok. I wanted to believe them, but was overwhelmed at being unable to be with my family. I told God that I will stand firm in what I know is true. I know that He loves me, that He loves my little ones. I know that He is in control. I know that nothing that was happening to me was a surprise to Him. I know that He is with me. He gave me moments of peace that can only come from Him, moments of clarity and even some moments of joy and laughter.
This post is getting much longer than I intended! HA! That sweet baby boy that I was so worried about is snuggling with his daddy as I type. He's chunky and happy and now a formula fed baby. I wanted to go back to nursing but due to all the medication that I had been on and was continuing to be on would make that impossible. It was devastating to me at the time, but we are all ok.
I do have some funny stories and I will tell you my favorite in my next post....

Say CHEEEESE!!!

Ok, first, read this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Don't you love that??? It got me thinking about the times that I shy away from the camera (or literally run away) because I didn't like my weight or maybe I had a pimple... how silly. I have this beautiful little daughter- it makes me sick to think of her having a baby someday and not wanting to be in a picture with her precious newborn because she thinks she's fat. I want to set an example! I want her (and my sons.. and my sons' future wives) to know their self worth does not come from the scale. It does not come from their pant size. It comes from knowing that they are precious. It comes from knowing who their creator is and how he sees them.

I wish that there were more pictures of my mom from my childhood. There are some, but I'd be thrilled to see a daily picture of her! LOL To see her smiling while carrying me in her belly, to see her looking ragged and tired but happy as she rocked me as a baby. I'd love to see a video of her making dinner, singing songs, reading a book, I'd even like to hear one of the painfully long lectures that I endured in my older years! heehee!

I certainly don't want to think of my mom hating her body after I was born. And so, I will try my best to watch what I say in front of my children about my looks. I will try my best to be positive, I have not always done a good job of this. I am healthier now than I have been in the past because I want to set a good example of health and be aware of the impact that I have on my children- because I love them and I want so much JOY for them. Here's to more pictures of this gal! Say Cheeeese!!!!

My hero.... (swoon)

My hubby does not consider himself to be much of a handy-man... he's wrong. In the last few months he has changed the brake pads on the car, fixed a leaky toilet and yesterday he replaced our garbage disposal! Saving us money and impressing this gal. Proud of you babe!

 Thanks for posing for me, honey!

 And of course each kid needed a pic too...

Goals

I'm a complicated gal... I like adventure and excitement! I like to be silly and crazy and play! BUT I also don't tend to like change- I'm not big on surprises. Does that even fit together? I like things to be organized and alphabetized, but I get bored and long for something to change... I'm complicated!
What I do know is that I really want to step outside my box. I want to reach people and sometimes that means getting very uncomfortable- maybe looking silly.
In the name of trying something- I set a goal for myself. Lose 20lbs and get a lesson in shooting. Guns, people. I knocked out 20, then 30 and finally set a time and date with destiny. I was excited and nervous- I'd never shot anything other than a rubberband gun before... for those of you who have never shot a rubberband gun (because your childhood was not as epic as mine), here's what that looks like. It's pretty hardcore:

That's right, we shoot cute little rubber duckies... it's pretty intense.

So here I am...

 And then it got REAL... I found my love in the form of a rifle. And a new addiction is born.

Found my "new normal"!!

I might be the world's worst blogger! I think of a blog post nearly every day, but just can't seem to find the time to get it typed and posted! So... it's been a while. Let me catch you up on my world!

Last time I blogged I had just had baby #4, he's not so tiny anymore!! He's 7months old and just so wonderful!!

We are in the midst of another year of homeschooling (only our second yr so far) and we're loving it! It helps to have the unconditional love and support of the man I married! Here's a love note the kids and I found one morning:

And I have once again found my groove! I put on quite a bit of weight with this pregnancy (as I always do) and I am so glad to be getting stronger, losing some weight and finding my "new normal"! It takes a while after each baby! You have to adjust- there are hormones, testing toddlers, crying babies, and a major lack of sleep! The good news is, it's temporary. Praise the Lord! 

I don't start trying to lose the baby weight until my baby is at least a couple months old. And even then I don't go crazy! I'm a nursing mama so it's important that baby is first priority. A month or so in I start to find my groove. I start getting stronger, have more energy and feel like a whole new gal. People always ask me how I lose the weight. I've blogged on this before, but the key is old school: Eat less (eat as clean and naturally as possible) and WORK IT OUT!!! Work out hard and work out often. And put your desires in God's hands. There is strength there that will knock your socks off! 

Thanks for reading! I will try to be better with updates and adventures!! Love to you all!!!

(and thanks for checking in Ana-Lou!)

Lessons from my Heavenly Father

He's here! Our baby boy is here and he's perfect. He's sweet and easy-going. He is a mini-me copy of his brothers and he is a gift. He was created by my Heavenly Father and with this baby comes more lessons in life, in family, in Grace, in Beauty, and an understanding of HIS love.

My blogging is pitiful! I want to blog every day, but can't seem to get it done! LOL But every now and then I have a minute to type and I want to use this minute to tell you that you are so special. You were created by God and you are loved more deeply than you can imagine. That is the truth. No matter who you are and what's going on in your life, you are a child of God and He loves His children with a fierce and mighty Love. I am so amazed by the love I have for each of my children and it knocks me off my feet as I hold this new baby and hug my "big" kids. Thank you, Lord for giving me a glimpse into Your heart and Your great Love. I am humbled.

Being an Aunt is serious business.

I am an aunt. I take that job seriously. I love my nieces and nephews whole-heartedly and unconditionally. And I'm serious about being the favorite...

Yes, I know they have other aunts and they can think that they are the favorite too, but THIS aunt is gonna believe I am the favorite. haha!

As our family grows with more little ones, I love each one just as the others. I love their naughty stages (it's way more fun than my own children's naughty stage) and I love their individual personalities.

My aunt heart is sad today. My sister and her husband had been chosen for an adoption and I fell in love the minute I heard about this baby boy that was joining our family. I've seen his songram pics, helped pick out his coming home outfit and prayed for his safety and his journey to join our family. (which was to happen in a couple days) Last night, my sis called to let me know that they would not be bringing home my nephew. His birth mama has decided to parent. I miss him.

I sing praises to our Heavenly Father that this baby is LOVED and wanted and that my sister's love played a role in all of that. I just miss him.

So, baby boy, I am praying that there is an Auntie in your life that adores you. One who will think of you often and pray for you and love you. One who will play with you and defend you when you're naughty.

Thank you, Lord for this baby's life. Thank you for allowing our family to pray for him and love him. And thank you for his mom, thank you for the love she has for him.